Top Ten Observations of Parenthood.

1. It takes roughly 7 tries to watch anything on the DVR. I'm currently watching Happy Feet for the fourth time and so far all I've gotten from the movie is that they found a way to make a female penguin have the (implied) cleavage of Dolly Parton.

2. Songs are magic. Like, they don't even have to be real songs. The number one most requested song in the Stepford Household is "O Stinker Pants" sung to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree".

3. Remember that time you said you'd never speak to your child in that voice you hear those annoying parents talk to their kids? Well, yeah, you do. Involuntarily. But hey, the kid thinks it's hilarious, so we roll with it.

4. Kids are gross. And even grosser, when poop gets on you, it's not that big of a deal.

5. Soap. No longer taken for granted. Now worth it's weight in diamonds. See number 4.

6. Being a stay at home mom is the cure for anti-social tendencies. No matter how much you liked being by yourself before, talking to other adults (face to face) about ANYTHING is like treasure.

7. The nursery will never again look like the perfect and beautiful magazine page that it was prior to your kid's birth. Playing and snuggling with the kiddo is much more fun than straightening blankets and tidying shelves. Don't get me wrong, stuff gets picked up and put away - we just don't care about hospital corners anymore.

8. Zippers are way better than snaps.

9. You now wear socks to bed. Because you fell asleep before you hit the pillow and it didn't matter that you HATE wearing socks to bed.

10. Walmart. Alone. Sanctuary.