Today is not a good day. I tried for it to be. I'm having trouble making it into a good day. I'm depressed about everything that I can't fix: my fat, my skin, my life in limbo, everything. I try to look at the things I do have. I am blessed with a lot. But the demon of depression is tearing that all away from me and hiding it where I can't see it. I can't stop dwelling today. In my head over and over "why can't this go right?" Why? Always why. I need for something to go right. I need it like I need to breathe. That's how I feel anyways. If it doesn't go right, I'm not going to die, but that's what my stupid brain is tricking me into believing. I have logic and sense...but they're not as strong as the other part of me.

I'm going to go for a run.



Sunday, January 11, 2009


I know how you feel. Hopefully after your run you are feeling better.