Bad blogger. Better eater.

So I was supposed to post a fashion related thread today. To be honest, I kind of don't feel like it, but I'll give you a link to what I think is a fashion faux pas.

I love Brit to death, always have...but we all know that she's guilty of some wardrobe malfunctions and such. Who thought it was a good idea to send her to a children's hospital in THAT particular top? Inappropriate. Just a tad.

Moving along. I think I'm doing well embracing the Intuitive Eating thing. I'm allowing myself to have whatever the heck I want to have and I think I'm doing a good job of not feeling guilty or shameful about it. In case you're wondering, this is a big part of my reasoning behind not taking pics of my food anymore.

You see, I used to feel really embarrassed to put photos of the food I ate on here, and so I'd use that to not eat something that I may have actually wanted. I know a lot of people call that accountablity, which is fine if that works for you, but I was getting a little nutso with it. I would feel pressured to eat more (even if I didn't want more) because there were comments that I wasn't eating enough, or I'd feel shameful to post the junk food I "gave in to" because I didn't want the whole world to know that I sucked at not consuming bad-for-you stuff. And then there were times when I'd purposely not take a pic so that I wouldn't be able to post about the "forbidden" food I was going to eat. It felt a little too much like the secret eating, binging, shamefulness, and starvation that I used to put myself through, and Lord knows I don't ever want to go there again. I decided that sharing with the world what I was consuming was inviting commentary that I was not ready for. So that's my decision and for now it's working for me.

By allowing myself to eat whatever I want unconditionally, I've discovered a few things about the foods I love thought I loved.

-Butter. Still love it, but I don't really need as much as I used to long for. It actually kinda hurts my stomach to slather it all on.
-Bread/Rolls. Yeah, I guess they're not really all that special. I'm perfectly content with just one.
-Pizza. To be honest, I never really thought I loved pizza. I actually always maintained that I don't care for it all that much, but I'd eat 3-4 slices anyways. I am moving pizza to the "do not like" category (sorry Mandy!)
-Cheese. SACRILEGE! This includes cheese on sandwiches, salads, even in my (thought to be) beloved cheese enchiladas. Just not feeling it anymore.
-Pasta. You've fainted now, haven't you? I still like pasta, I just don't need as much anymore. Like I'd rather have more veggies and just a little bit of pasta.
-Cake. Twice I've had cake in the past week. Both times were not that wonderful. I'm sure I can pass on this from now on.
-Cookies. Chocolate chip, sugar with icing, and peanut butter. I'd have sugar cookies again, but the others....not interested.
-Ice cream. I was really excited for ice cream tonight. I got myself a big-ish bowl with 3 medium sized scoops. By the time I got the the third scoop I was over it. I didn't want it anymore.

All of these foods could be labeled "junk foods" or "problem foods". These are the foods that we "dieters" are trained to avoid like the plague lest we want to gain 24.6 pounds in a week. And of course we all salivate at the very thought of them. My experiment has proven to me that I actually don't care for these foods. I could do without them. I don't NEED them like I once thought. And now I know that I can easily pass them up, since I know that I can always have them if I ever REALLY wanted them. And I'll have you know that I have maintained the same weight I was before I started allowing myself to have all these crazy foods. I wasn't depriving myself and so I didn't feel the need to "rebel" and overeat.

And you want to know what I learned that I really want?

Vegetables. I want crunchy, fresh, colorful, delicious vegetables. That's it. I have no supply of fresh veggies in the house right now, and I'm feeling deprived! I've contemplated going to the store at 11 PM to buy some spinach to make a Green Monster. Complete with FROZEN banana per Polly's recommendation! But I'm not going to do that now. I can wait. I'll get a salad bar when we go out tomorrow to squelch the craving, and I'll try to get to the store after that sometime.

I feel really proud of myself for having learned these things about my relationships with food on MY OWN TERMS. Not some diet program or "lifestyle change" that I never really felt comfortable with. I hope to continue to make some progress!



Saturday, June 13, 2009

Aaah -- we can't be friends anymore!

Ok, just kidding. My love of pizza (and other junk) has landed me back in WW meetings, sadly. :/

I'm really trying to live the cliche 'everything in moderation' but it's so freakin hard. Part of my problem with eating so much is that it's off limits and then when I tell myself it's not and I "cheat" I go hog wild.

I can't do that anymore and I can't have zero accountability, so WW it is. I don't think I gave IE enough time. Maybe one day, but I don't trust myself.