Friends

I have a really hard time making friends. For me it's just like people that have problems with romantic relationships because they've been burned so many times. Cheated on, lied to, treated badly. So they put up walls to protect themselves, and sometimes this leads to not being open enough to new relationships because they're so worried about shielding themselves from any pain that they may encounter.

This is how I am with friends. Girlfriends specifically.

It doesn't help that I'm not really into the "typical" stuff that one must be into in order to nurture a new relationship. I hate the phone. Like HATE the phone. I don't want you to call me unless you're my mom or my husband. I really prefer texting, but to be honest, I don't really know what to say to the "I hope you're having a good day!" texts. I usually just respond "Thanks, you too" or something equally similar. But then I start feeling like a jerk because I don't ever think to send a text like this first. Does that mean I don't care if the person is having a good day? I don't think it does, but does the other person think that's how I feel since I don't send those types of texts? To be honest, it's just not something I do. I'm not all lovey dovey like that. I don't even send my husband texts like that.

I also like to be alone a lot. I like to shop alone (or with my mom, but no one else). I like to work out alone (the husband will go to the gym with me, but we go our separate ways when we get there). The other things I like to do don't require company, or are not really en vogue for kids my age to do (um, quilting? Hi, I'm 63).

Movies are weird because you're not talking to the person. You go with them. Sit next to them. Watch a movie in silence. Comment on how you liked it. Then go home. It doesn't really help anyone bond. It's a time filler.

Bars. Don't get me started on bars. Why is it that EVERY SINGLE EFFING PERSON my age HAS to go out and drink to have a good time? This is the single most requested activity among all people I know. People brag on their Facebook statuses about how drunk they got last night. People are worried about getting to the coolest bar on Washington Ave because that's were "everyone" is. Who is everyone? I thought you wanted to hang out with ME? Sorry, but getting drunk is not that cool. No bonding occurs while drinking. And I don't drink. So, no, I don't want to walk 2 miles down a busy avenue in 3 inch heels while it's 40 degrees outside so we can cram ourselves into a dark room full of tiny little trendy people, fight our way to the bar to order some concoction that costs $6 only to A) not be able to hear you talk or B) watch you grind on some random guy that's not your long time boyfriend while I puke because I'm so disgusted with you. I'm 26. Probably too young to be too old for bars, but I've been partying for the last 10 years and to be honest I'm just over it.

Now, these are things that I should be able to encounter occasionally in an effort to make a good friend. But I just don't want to. I'm wondering if that is why I'm having a hard time growing friendships past the acquaintance stage. I feel like if we were meant to be very good friends, we'd have enough in common to not have to rely on this generic stuff that at least one of us hates to do. But that may be my reluctance talking. I have no idea.

I have had other opportunities present themselves to me that I've turned down. People I enjoy talking with have invited me to things that I would probably enjoy doing. But for some reason, things don't work out. Grown up responsibilities get in the way, or I just flake out because of my afore mentioned phobia of getting hurt by friends.

All in all, I need to make some more good friends. All my really super close, very good friends are hundreds of miles away from me. I need to knock down some walls and allow some people in. I need to learn how to be a good friend. Not only do I need to learn how to do these things, but I WANT to do these things.